It's Not Bad to Be a Burden

I just read a powerful article by Joni Eareckson Tada for pastors titled When a Member of Your Church Dying. It goes well beyond dealing with a dying church member and is not just for pastors. It is about how Christians can think biblically about suffering, end of life decisions, ministering to those who are suffering, and the importance of the family and church. I highly recommend it. Here is a portion of it about the role of family.

“Families are not technical, mechanistic social contracts that we make with one another. Family members all have a moral responsibility toward one another. That’s what defines a family.

It might be a good thing to be a burden to your family. Think about it: Everybody else might reject you, but your family has to take you in. Family members are supposed to be a burden to each other, a way for other members of the family to learn self-sacrifice.

My grandmother was 81 years old when she came to live with my family. My mother and father expected me to stay home on a couple of Friday nights and be with my grandma and do laundry. I remember hating it at first, resenting the fact that Grandma’s presence in our home had made my life more challenging. But when I look back, I’m so glad my grandmother came to live with us. It taught my sisters and me self-sacrifice, compassion, and what it means to go the extra mile for someone you love. We learned that normal Christian service is extraordinarily sacrificial.

I don’t think we would have learned any of these things as young people had it not been for my grandmother coming to live with us. I desperately hope my grandmother didn’t pick up on my vibes as a kid, but that experience taught me what a family is supposed to look like. We’re supposed to be burdens on one another.”

— Joni Eareckson Tada

Are You Looking for an Awesome Way to Partner in International Missions?

This summer my three oldest children and I went with William Church and his family on a short-term mission trip to the Dominican Republic. It was awesome! We went with a ministry called LoveServes. The more I learned about LoveServes during the trip, the more impressed I was. They primarily work in the Dominican Republic, but are making plans to expand into other countries. Here is their primary ministry strategy:

"LoveServes International coaches pastors to develop healthy churches
that equip the Church members to meet their communities’ greatest needs
through the love of Christ."

Our family has chosen to partner with LoveServes. It is a joy to find a ministry that is founded on biblical principles and strategies! Here are the aspects of LoveServes that are important to me.

• Christ-centeredness - Jesus Christ is the only answer for every human need.

• Relationship with God - We do not desire to spread religion or any legalistic version of Christianity. The greatest commandment is to love God. He desires a relationship with us.

• Building God’s kingdom - Our desire is to build God’s kingdom and the church, not to advance any particular institution or denomination.

• Discipleship - Discipleship (in terms of intentionally helping believers learn how to follow Jesus) is an important kingdom building strategy. Our goal is to help people love and follow Jesus, not simply grow attendance or activities.

• Relationships - The best way to grow ministry partnerships, coach pastors, and make disciples is through relationships.

• Local leadership - LoveServes helps equip local leaders to lead, instead of bringing outsiders or foreigners in to lead.

• Local church ministry - The call to make disciples is given to the church. While parachurch organizations do good work for the kingdom, the local church is the most effective and powerful entity for building God’s kingdom.

• All believers are ministers - God calls all believers to ministry, not just vocational ministers. Church leaders are not called to do all the ministry, but primarily to equip the church for the ministry (Eph 4:11-12).

• Pastor training - Since pastors are responsible for equipping the church for ministry, then coaching local pastors in how to do this is an effective way of growing the kingdom of God.

• Biblical training - God has revealed the right and most effective strategies for ministry in his Word. All ministry training and discipleship must be based upon Scripture.

• Evangelism - The Great Commission (Matt 28:18-20) includes bringing people to Christ (“baptism”) and discipleship (“teaching” - as mentioned above). Bringing people to Christ is an essential mission of the church and is a main focus of the ministry for which believers are being equipped.

• Love and service - The most effective way to reach people for Christ is to develop real relationships with them, and to show them the love of Christ by serving them and meeting their needs.

• Breaking the cycle of poverty - As we try to meet people’s practical needs in Christ’s name, and train others in ministry, it is important that we learn to break the cycle of poverty instead of perpetuating it (see the book When Helping Hurts).

• Heart for the world - While God has been doing a wondering work in the Dominican Republic through LoveServes, our heart is for the church everywhere in the world to learn and practice these simple biblical strategies for ministry. We are available to do so in any way the Lord provides and leads.

• Family focus - Missions and ministry is for the whole family. It is better to work with family units when possible than pulling out just teens are other parts of the family.

If you are in the Boone area, we will be hosting a meeting with one of the Dominican pastor coaches on Monday, Oct 23, 7pm @ Home Builders Plaza, 755 NC Hwy 105, Boone, NC. You will be able to learn about what God is doing through LoveServes and how to get involved.

Is Your Family Stuck in the Raging River of Busyness?

Sometimes our lives feel like we have been thrown into a rushing river. We are just trying to survive, barely keeping our heads above the water and avoiding the jagged rocks. We have little control over our direction and speed. This is how we feel when we have surrendered to the tyranny of the urgent. We are at the mercy of deadlines, appointments, and activities. We are driven by what the culture says we must do, by what others want us to do and by the gratification of our immediate desires.

But I have had enough of this. I have sputtered and bumped along in these rapids for too long, watching my life whiz by, watching my children grow up. God has given me a call and purpose for my family, and it is not being accomplished in this raging river of busyness!

So I desperately swim for the shore, not even sure I can break through the powerful currents. Drenched, coughing and exhausted, I crawl out onto the bank. And now I am asking myself, “What is this supposed to looks like? How do I build a different life?”

First, I must refocus on my purpose and mission as a follower of Jesus Christ. My purpose and mission is to love God, love people, and make disciples. This is not only the purpose and mission of each of us as believers, but of our families as well.

Next, in order to see what my life is supposed to look like, I reflect on my biblical responsibilities and priorities. I have come up with five areas of responsibility and priority. These are the ways that we can fulfill our purpose and mission in our families.

1. Relationships

2. Discipleship

3. Order and Work

4. Education

5. Ministry

Relationships

To be a family is to have relationships. To love others is to relate to them. How am I loving my wife and children? Am I treating them with kindness, patience and selflessness? Am I affirming and accepting them? What kind of relationships am I building with them? Are we making time to talk? Are we spending time together? Strong relationships are the foundation for the next category, discipleship.

Discipleship

To disciple others is to help them love God, love people and make disciples. This must be the ultimate goal of family because it is the ultimate goal of life. How am I helping my family to love God? How am I helping them to love others? How am I equipping them to know their own gifting, calling and personal ministry?

Order and Work

Loving God includes stewardship. All that we have is from God, and our responsibility is to care for what he has given us and use it to bless others. Stewardship requires work: cleaning, organizing and maintaining. Work is our contribution to the family and community and it is how we provide for our basic needs so that we are free to minister to others. A messy, chaotic home is not a place where discipleship, education or ministry can thrive.

Education

Education is the acquisition of knowledge and skill. These are tools for helping us accomplish our God given mission. Facilitating and leading our children in the acquisition of knowledge and skill is part of our responsibility as parents. Am I faithful in educating my children? Am I preparing them for a life of productivity and blessing to others?

Ministry

Ministry is the culmination of all that we have discussed so far. A spouse is a partner in ministry. A family is a ministry team. Are we joining God in his work to build his kingdom? Are our hearts beating with his for the nations? What are we doing as a family to express the love and truth of God to others? How much of our time is spent serving and entertaining ourselves? Are we intentionally giving our money, time  and energy for ministry?

By faith I am rejecting the tyranny of the urgent. I will break the patterns of busyness and reactionism. Instead of focusing on what others expect from me, I will focus on what God desires for me. By faith I am choosing a life of peace and purpose for my family. In order to do this, I will make these five building blocks my priorities: relationships, discipleship, order and work, education  and ministry. It may be a desperate swim to the shore, but God can help me make it. He can give me everything I need to live out his fantastic mission for my family.

Do You Know Where You Are Leading Your Family?

When Sarai suggested that Abram marry her servant so he could have a son, Abram blew it. We can learn from Abram how NOT to be a leader.

This is a recording of a teaching from Genesis 16. We can trust God by leading with godly conviction and love. 

1. Submit to God’s mission for you and your family.
2. Take responsibility to lead your family.

You Can't Choose Your Consequences

This is a recording of a teaching on Choices and Consequences from Genesis 9:18-29. Here is the basic outline:

1. Doing what is right brings good and doing what is wrong brings trouble.

2. Our choices affect others.

• Our sin presents a moral crisis for others.
• Our choices pass on a legacy to our children.
• Our choices bring honor or dishonor to others.

3. Our choices affect our freedom.

How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home

Here is the outline for my first workshop at the Thrive! NCHE Conference. You can download it and you can view the prezi I used for the presentation. If you would like the article that unpacks biblical conflict resolution, sign up for post updates in the right sidebar and get How to Stop a Fight Before It Starts for free.

How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home
Session 11 Saturday 1:50-2:50 p.m

Why do we want to stop the fighting in our home?

• Because it is pleasant to have a peaceful home (Prov 17:1).
• Because we want to love and obey God (Eph 4:1-4).
• Because we want to prepare our children for a life of maturity (Eph 6:4).

Three ways to stop the fighting in your home:

1.        Set a peaceful example.

• Stop fighting your spouse (Prov 26:21; Prov 21:19).
• Stop fighting your children (Eph 6:4; Prov 15:1).
• If you are fighting, then you are choosing to be selfish and prideful (James 4:1-2; 1 Cor 13:4-7).
• Let the Spirit of Christ live in you! (Gal 2:20; 5:22-23).

2.        Set basic rules of engagement.

• No yelling
• No violence.
• No manipulation

3.        Teach your children to speak truth to one another (Eph 4:15; Matt 18:15-17).

Teach them the Matt 18 process:

• Speak to the other person privately.
• Ask another person to help verify problem (I don’t require this step).
• Go to those in authority to handle the situation.

4.        Teach your children biblical conflict resolution. 

• Give space (James 1:19).
• Check yourself  (Matt 7:3-5).
• Let go of anger (Eph 4:26-27; Matt 18:21-35).
• Love (Mark 12:30; Gal 5:14).
• Pray (Matt 5:44; James 1:5-8).
• Talk about it (Prov 18:13;15:1).
• Discern the issue (Rom 14:1-12).
• Speak the truth (Matt 18:15; Eph 4:15; Gal 6:1).
• Give space

How to Solve Problems in Your Relationships [Podcast #17]

This podcast episode is the third and final part of the session I taught at the North Carolinians for Home Education Conference, "How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home." You can view the prezi for this session here.

It is a brief explanation of the 9 Steps for Conflict Resolution I have already blogged about in several posts that starts here, or I have consolidated into one article.

Teach your children biblical conflict resolution. 

• Give space (James 1:19).
• Check yourself  (Matt 7:3-5).
• Let go of anger (Eph 4:26-27; Matt 18:21-35).
• Love (Mark 12:30; Gal 5:14).
• Pray (Matt 5:44; James 1:5-8).
• Talk about it (Prov 18:13;15:1).
• Discern the issue (Rom 14:1-12).
• Speak the truth (Matt 18:15; Eph 4:15; Gal 6:1).
• Give space

How to Stop Fighting Your Spouse [Podcast #15]

This podcast episode is the first part of the session I taught at the North Carolinians for Home Education Conference, "How to Stop the Fighting in Your Home." You can view the prezi for this session here.

Why do we want to stop the fighting in our home?

• Because it is pleasant to have a peaceful home (Prov 17:1).
• Because we want to love and obey God (Eph 4:1-4).
• Because we want to prepare our children for a life of maturity (Eph 6:4).

Three ways to stop the fighting in your home:

1.        Set a peaceful example.

• Stop fighting your spouse (Prov 26:21; Prov 21:19).
• Stop fighting your children (Eph 6:4; Prov 15:1).