When Should I Let My Children Make Their Own Decisions?

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My 13 year old son said he wanted to go live in the woods for 24 hours. He built a fort he plans to sleep in. The temperature is 43 degrees and it is pouring down rain. You can imagine mom had a few questions and concerns about this adventure. I did too. But I also understand it. We told him that in a few days it would be sunny and warm. Why not do it then? But he had his heart set on it and he wanted the “extreme experience.” He packed his books in ziplock bags, made some sandwiches, got his sleeping bag and went on his way. His self enforced rule is that he can’t come back to the house for 24 hours. 

At one point I realized that he was asking me for permission to take this adventure. In one sense, that is appropriate because he has home and school responsibilities that he’s got to meet. On the other hand, no matter how fool-hardy I think the plan is, he needs to have the freedom to make his own decision. In the end, I did not give him permission to go or not. I told him to make sure he meets his responsibilities. Otherwise, he can make his own decision about going.

I think this is an important distinction. Nathaniel is my middle child and I can’t say that I made this transition smoothly with some of my older children. I am referring to the transition to adulthood. In this transition, it is important for them to begin to make their own decisions . . . and suffer the consequences. There are decisions that would severely harm my children that I would not let them make. I also help them understand that when they demonstrate maturity and responsibility, they earn more trust and freedom. At the same time, children must be given the opportunity to develop wisdom and discernment from the experience of making choices. 

I laughed out loud to myself when, a few minutes after Nathaniel left the house, torrents of sideways rain arrived. He may or may not regret going on this adventure. He will definitely be very cold and wet. But I’m pretty sure he won’t come back for 24 hours, because that’s the point. It’s not supposed to be easy. I’m proud of him. 

Free and Equip Your Children to Pursue Their Unique Interests

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A great way to help your children become self motivated is to help them to discover their gifts, talents, and interests. Then, as parents, we have the opportunity to free and equip them to pursue those unique interests. 

To learn more about this, watch this last video in the series, How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated. You will also get a sneak peak at my upcoming book, Loving God: A Practical Handbook for Discipleship. 

How to Stop Arguing with Your Children

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Sometimes I am in the middle of an argument with one of my children before I even realize what is happening! How did this happen?

How can I make sure I am having a fruitful conservation with my kids instead of an argument. I can do this by operating according to this biblical principle: Correction can take the form of discipleship instead of discipline when there is respect and teachability.

In this video I explain how to apply this principle to conversations with your children and stop the arguing! This is part 8 of the series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated. 

When "Because I Said So" Isn't Good Enough

The most popular question that my children to ask is "Why?" I have to admit that I have allowed this question to irritate me at times. Often the best answer is "Because I said so." However, it doesn't work all the time. If we are working to raise our children to be mature, Christ loving believers, then we are going to have to come up with a better answer. We are going to have to tell they why.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Part of being mature is being self-motivated. The key to being self-motivated, as opposed to only being driven by outside forces, is to know the "why" of what we are doing. We must understand the heart and purpose of our actions. 

One of the most important roles we play as parents is to help our children develop a biblical worldview in which the "why" questions are answered from God's perspective. Check out Part 6 of my video series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated to dig a little deeper into how we can give our children the "whys" of the Christian life.

What Role Does the Scripture Play in Your Home?

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Do you know how many Christian parents I know who believe in the importance and power of God's Word in our lives, and yet do not include Bible reading and teaching in the daily life of the home? Too many. I have also spent periods of my own parenting career neglecting this.

In this short video, I remind us of the importance of Scripture in discipling our children and give some simple tips for taking action. This is Part 5 in the video series How to Help Your Children Become Self-Motivated.

Why do you think that parents fail to read and teach the Scripture in their homes? What are the issues you have struggled with? How do you use God's Word in your home?  Please leave a comment and tell us about it!