Do You Need A Break?

Of course you do. We all need a break. Our lives are moving at super high speeds and we often feel helpless to stop it.

I've got great news for you! God has a solution to your problem. He has offered this solution to us since the creation of the world. It is called the Sabbath; a day of rest.

The problem for me is that for most of my life I have not really understood or incorporated a day of rest into my weekly routine. Another problem for me (especially as a pastor) is that Sunday's usually are not very restful.

So, I am on a journey to rediscover the biblical understanding and practice of the Sabbath. I am taking my family on this journey with me. We are reading this book together as a platform for learning and discussion:  Celebrating the Sabbath: Finding Rest in a Restless World by Bruce A. Ray.

Here are a few things we are already trying to incorporate into our day of rest.

Quiet
We have a lot of people living in our house (11) and it really gets loud sometimes! Aside from trying to turn down the volume every day, our day of rest is a great opportunity to practice silence and quiet.

Time with God
Without a regular schedule, we have the opportunity to spend extra time with God. At the end of a Sabbath day, we ought to feel spiritually refreshed, refocused, and connected with the Lord.

A Break from Media and Entertainment
It is restful to play games and enjoy our time together. But we find it helpful to refrain from our normal consumption of media and entertainment. No movies, loud music (just worship and classical), gaming, or browsing the internet.

Physical Rest
This is a great day for sleeping in, long naps and leisurely walks.

I am looking forward to all that we will learn from this adventure. I can already see it bearing fruit in my family. I can already see how it will change much more than one day; it will change our mentality all week long. We need a break and God has given us one!

What Does God Want from Us?

“Will you marry me?” The young man on his knee looked up into her beautiful eyes.

She beamed and squealed, “Yes!”

“Great! Now let’s get one thing straight. I will be a faithful husband to you and love you all year long, as long as I can go out on just one date a year with another woman. Will that be alright?”

How would you guess the young lady responds? Most young ladies I know would never agree to such an arrangement! The meaning and security of marriage is that we get that person all to ourselves! This is what we call the exclusivity of marriage. Everyone else is excluded from that special relationship.

The exclusivity of marriage helps us understand what God wants in our relationship with him. God has created us to love him. That is our purpose. Now let's ask the question, “How do we love God?” The first way I want to answer this question is to explain the scope of loving God. In other words, how much of me and my life does loving God include? We can return to Jesus’ words to discover the answer:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
And you shall love the Lord our God
with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind and with all your strength.”
Mark 12:30

What is the scope? How much of me and my life does loving God include?

All. “All” is repeated in this verse four times. He wants us all to himself! All leaves nothing out.

When people tried to follow Jesus while he was here on earth, he wanted to make sure they understood what he expected from them. Jesus shoots straight with us. He doesn’t lure us into a deal and then reveal later in the fine print what is really required of us.

“And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23

“Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them,
‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife
and children and brothers and sisters,
yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me
cannot be my disciple.
For which of you, desiring to build a tower,
does not first sit down and count the cost,
whether he has enough to complete it? . . .
So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has
cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:25-33

Pretty extreme, isn’t it? As soon as we consider following him, he tells us to count the cost. Again, the deal is total. Is that what you signed up for? Were you under a different impression of what it means to follow Jesus?

Instead of this passionate, radical, fulfilling life in relationship with God, many of us got a stingy, religious version of Christianity. No wonder the world rejects religion! Christianity is a religion, of course, according to the dictionary definition. But religion in its broadest and usually negative sense is hollow. Religion allows you to focus on institutions, doctrines, dues, human leaders, ritual, and self-righteousness. Many religious people think they can give a portion of their lives to God. Many use religion to serve themselves. They use religion to make themselves feel better, trying to ease their consciences. American Christianity is often presented as a self-service program in order to appeal to the people.

What is your understanding of what it means to be a Christian? Maybe it is time for a reassessment.

I Love My Wife . . . and Ice Cream!

What does it mean to love others? This is an important question because our culture and language use the word love with such varying and casual meanings. “I love ice cream!” “I love football!” “I love fishing.” “I love my wife!” In fact, just this week I told my wife that I loved her and she asked me, “What do you mean by that?” I’m pretty sure my wife wants me to love her in a different way than I love ice cream.

Our culture talks about being “in love.” When we say we are “in love,” we are talking about how we feel or how much we like someone or something. Unfortunately, this is exactly NOT what love is according to the Bible. Love is self-sacrifice for the good of another person.

“Greater love has no one than this,
that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love has nothing to do with how we feel. In fact, love is what we do in spite of how we may feel. Love has nothing to do with what we get out of it. Real love is about giving, not getting. Jesus said,

“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?
Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
And if you greet only your brothers,
what more are you doing than others?
Do not even the Gentiles do the same?”
Matthew 5:46-47

Once again, God calls us to deny ourselves and do things his way. This requires faith. The world and Satan have convinced us that if we get what we want, we will be happy. This is a lie. Selfishness actually does not lead us to fulfillment and happiness. When we deny ourselves and love God, we find that he is all we ever needed or wanted! In the same way, when we deny ourselves and love others, we find joy and satisfaction. Even unbelievers who live a life of service can tell you this!

Is Your Family Stuck in the Raging River of Busyness?

Sometimes our lives feel like we have been thrown into a rushing river. We are just trying to survive, barely keeping our heads above the water and avoiding the jagged rocks. We have little control over our direction and speed. This is how we feel when we have surrendered to the tyranny of the urgent. We are at the mercy of deadlines, appointments, and activities. We are driven by what the culture says we must do, by what others want us to do and by the gratification of our immediate desires.

But I have had enough of this. I have sputtered and bumped along in these rapids for too long, watching my life whiz by, watching my children grow up. God has given me a call and purpose for my family, and it is not being accomplished in this raging river of busyness!

So I desperately swim for the shore, not even sure I can break through the powerful currents. Drenched, coughing and exhausted, I crawl out onto the bank. And now I am asking myself, “What is this supposed to looks like? How do I build a different life?”

First, I must refocus on my purpose and mission as a follower of Jesus Christ. My purpose and mission is to love God, love people, and make disciples. This is not only the purpose and mission of each of us as believers, but of our families as well.

Next, in order to see what my life is supposed to look like, I reflect on my biblical responsibilities and priorities. I have come up with five areas of responsibility and priority. These are the ways that we can fulfill our purpose and mission in our families.

  1. Relationships

  2. Discipleship

  3. Order and Work

  4. Education

  5. Ministry

Relationships

To be a family is to have relationships. To love others is to relate to them. How am I loving my wife and children? Am I treating them with kindness, patience and selflessness? Am I affirming and accepting them? What kind of relationships am I building with them? Are we making time to talk? Are we spending time together? Strong relationships are the foundation for the next category, discipleship.

Discipleship

To disciple others is to help them love God, love people and make disciples. This must be the ultimate goal of family because it is the ultimate goal of life. How am I helping my family to love God? How am I helping them to love others? How am I equipping them to know their own gifting, calling and personal ministry?

Order and Work

Loving God includes stewardship. All that we have is from God, and our responsibility is to care for what he has given us and use it to bless others. Stewardship requires work: cleaning, organizing and maintaining. Work is our contribution to the family and community and it is how we provide for our basic needs so that we are free to minister to others. A messy, chaotic home is not a place where discipleship, education or ministry can thrive.

Education

Education is the acquisition of knowledge and skill. These are tools for helping us accomplish our God given mission. Facilitating and leading our children in the acquisition of knowledge and skill is part of our responsibility as parents. Am I faithful in educating my children? Am I preparing them for a life of productivity and blessing to others?

Ministry

Ministry is the culmination of all that we have discussed so far. A spouse is a partner in ministry. A family is a ministry team. Are we joining God in his work to build his kingdom? Are our hearts beating with his for the nations? What are we doing as a family to express the love and truth of God to others? How much of our time is spent serving and entertaining ourselves? Are we intentionally giving our money, time  and energy for ministry?

By faith I am rejecting the tyranny of the urgent. I will break the patterns of busyness and reactionism. Instead of focusing on what others expect from me, I will focus on what God desires for me. By faith I am choosing a life of peace and purpose for my family. In order to do this, I will make these five building blocks my priorities: relationships, discipleship, order and work, education  and ministry. It may be a desperate swim to the shore, but God can help me make it. He can give me everything I need to live out his fantastic mission for my family.

Should I Let My Children Listen to Secular Music?

A couple of years ago Spotify entered my children’s lives. Until then they basically only had access to my own music collection. Spotify opened the door to ANY kind of music, no filters. As they followed their friend’s playlists and explored on their own, they have listened to plenty of music that I believe is not contributing positively to their spiritual health.

So, what should I do? A quick and common answer is, “Don’t let them listen to non-Christian music.” Let me explain why I don’t think this is the best answer.

Our goal as parents is to help our children live a life of faith in Christ. Faith is a personal choice that must be made by each individual. We cannot make it for them. I believe my children will encounter worldly music, as well as many other worldly realities, no matter how hard I try to keep them from it. So a much more realistic and helpful strategy is to teach my children how to make wise choices.

“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”
— Hebrews 5:14 ESV

If I shield my children from all evil, how will they be “trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil?”

Faith requires freedom. But the goal is faith, not freedom. Our culture defines freedom as the ability to do whatever one wants. It is true that freedom includes our ability to choose between right and wrong. However, the freedom to make this choice does not legitimize the wrong choice. True freedom, the freedom Jesus Christ gives us, is the freedom to say no to sin and yes to righteousness. I have seen plenty of Christians escape legalism only to fall into immorality. Parents cannot teach and give their children freedom without teaching them how to make right choices.

So, I did not shut down Spotify. Instead, I sat down with my three teenagers and had a talk. First we read Col 2:8 and 2 Cor 10:3-5. I explained that the location of the spiritual battle is primarily in the mind and the essence of the battle is in ideas. We are in danger of captivity and deception from the philosophy of the world, arguments and ideas that are contrary to God. We commonly misunderstand the spiritual battle to be one of power. The spiritual battle is primarily a battle of truth. Satan’s strategy is to deceive us. Once we have the truth, by faith we have all the power we need!

I then asked my children to consider how much more powerful words and ideas are when they are set to music! I encouraged them to fast temporarily from any music that wasn’t explicitly God honoring, in order to raise their awareness and observe how this choice affects them. I taught them that it is their responsibility to ruthlessly analyze the presuppositions, claims, and imperatives they hear in any music they listen to. To do this, it is usually necessary to read the lyrics. If they have done this and still want to listen to a song that does not explicitly honor the Lord, then I have asked them to submit that song to me for evaluation and discussion. This will provide many opportunities to teach them biblical, critical thinking. These are opportunities to train their powers of discernment.

At some point, they will demonstrate their ability to do this on their own. This is the goal! We do not want to release individuals who are trained by rules and seclusion. Neither do we want to release adults who have freedom but no discernment. We want to release them with passionate, wise hearts for Christ.  While I do have some carefully selected non-Christian music in my personal library, I believe that as our love for the Lord grows, our hunger for music that draws us to him will also grow.