Steps 4 and 5: 9 Steps for Conflict Resolution

Want to know how to have 100% of all your fights vanish into thin air?

Want to know how to remove 80% of all of your conflicts from existence?

Of course you do. So you are going to keep reading about the 9 Steps for Conflict Resolution. You may have already missed the first three steps. You can read about how to Give Space here and how to Check Yourself and Let Go of Anger here. 

So, on to the next step.

4.     Love 

When something goes wrong, our natural response is to withdrawal. This is usually an attempt to protect ourselves or to influence the other person by expressing our disapproval of them. This is not love. Love is what is best for someone else, even when it costs me. Love does not choose its course of action based on personal hurt and loss (Christ is our example).

Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” Even when we are hurt and our relationships are broken, we can love. The entire purpose of your life and all the commandment of God are fulfilled in this one act of obedience (Mark 12:30; Gal 5:14). 

Love (along with the other steps) is why 100% of your fights will cease. Love is patient and kind . . . (1 Cor 13:4-7). And if 80% of our conflicts are because we focused on ourselves, then love destroys them. We stop focusing on what we need and want and focus on others.

Here is the challenge: go do something to express your love for the person you are in conflict with. Do it before things are resolved. Do it today. This will solidify your forgiveness toward them and will strengthen your relational foundation so you can deal with difficult subjects at the right time.

5.     Pray

Do we really think we will be able change others? What do they need? Who can change them?

Jesus can. 

So talk to him about the situation. Pray for the work of the Spirit to convict them if you believe they are wrong about something. Pray about how and when to bring up the matter with them. Allow God to lead you in handling the situation. He might tell you to let him handle this one and be patient.

Next Part: How to Avoid Dead End Conversations: 9 Steps for Conflict Resolution

Ready to Pray!

A native Indian pastor spoke in our church yesterday. He told stories of amazing answers to prayer and healing. I am challenged by this because I know that God wants to work powerfully in his church to show is love and glory and draw people to himself. He wants to do this here just as much as he does in India. I want to see him work powerfully through me and our church to see many drawn to him. Why isn’t this happening on the same scale in our lives? What is required for God to do this?

Faith, passion, and courage. Faith in who God is, his will and power. Passion for the lost and for God’s kingdom to grow. Courage to obey and love in the face of opposition and mistreatment.

So, what does this mean for me today? What is it that I must do that I am not doing to demonstrate faith, passion, and courage? My first clear thought is this: PRAY. Pray alone, pray with my family, pray with my church, pray with others, pray with the lost. Pray all the time; pray anytime. “You have not because you ask not” (James 4:2).

As I observe my own life, and the life of our church, I see that we are ready move forward in accomplishing our mission of making disciples. I think of how to obey and how to equip people for doing so. And I already know that prayer is foundational to any such ministry. Please, Lord, teach me to pray!

Morning Prayer

Here in the High Country it is finally warm enough early in the morning to sit outside to meet the Lord. I can sit here and listen to the birds sing. I can look out at my garden. We have planted asparagus, about 18 tomato plants, peppers, leeks, and we have some mustard and collard greens coming up from last year. I love being outside! Here is a wonderful morning prayer from the Psalms:

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!"

Psalm 143:8, 10

The Arrest of Polycarp

Here is an amazing account of what happened when Polycarp was arrested before his martyrdom. This is from Eusebius' Church History.

"Soon the pursuers arrived and arrested two of the servants there, one of whom, under torture, showed them to Polycarp's quarters. It was night, and they found him lying in an upper bedroom. He could have moved to another house, but he had refused, saying, 'God's will be done.' When he heard that they had come, he went down and talked with them in such a cheerful, serene manner that they were astounded in view of his old age and confident air and wondered why there was such anxiety to arrest an old man of such character. He ordered that a table be set for them and invited them to dine with gusto, asking only for a single hour to pray undistrubed. This granted, he stood up and prayed, filled with the grace of the Lord, to the astonishment of those present, many of whom grew distressed that so dignified and godlike a man was going to his death."

Prayer “often takes the form of importunity, passionate pleading to God, even wrestling with God. Such an attitude presupposes that God’s ultimate will is unchanging, but the way in which he chooses to realize this will is dependent on the prayers of his children. He wants us as covenant partners, not as automatons or slaves. In this restricted sense prayer may be said to change the will of God. But more fundamentally it is sharing with God our needs and desires so that we might be more fully conformed to his ultimate will and purpose.” - D. G. Bloesch, "Prayer," in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 867.

Prayaroundtheworld.com

Please check out this site my friend Clarke Kennedy is building: prayaroundtheworld.com. Here is part of the description of what the sight is for:

This site is a tool for the body of Christ around the world. It is designed to equip individuals, churches, organizations, families, and communities with a very simple but powerful way to increase the amount of prayer that is lifted up for the things they care about and for the things that God cares about.

One of the most powerful aspects of this site is the ability that it gives anyone to create their own prayer forums about anything they care about. A prayer forum is a group of related prayer topics. For example, you might create a prayer forum for your church under the "Churches" forum in the "Prayer Room" forum. Once you have created a prayer forum for your church, you could add topics for prayer related to your church within that forum.

This may be a useful tool for you in your church, ministry, missions projects, particular crises or anything else for which a community might want to pray together.

Meeting and Praying for Refugees

We had a fascinating and diverse group of people into our home for our mid-week prayer meeting. Several ethnic groups were represented: Chinese, Malaysian, African, Serbian, and Iraqi. The reason for this diversity is that Chui Hea Hill (of Malaysian descent) has a wonderful ministry to refugees. She and her husband work with World Relief, U.S. Center for World Missions, and International Justice Mission. She brought with her refugees she is currently assisting: a woman who worked in Iraq as a jounalist and was kidnapped, a young Muslim Iraqi boy who's father was killed by a car bomb, two African boys whose father was a king in Zimbabwe and is running for his life because of his stand against an evil government. We heard their stories and prayed for each of their situations (we also played basketball, ate snacks, and had good fellowship). We were challenged by how much suffering goes on in the world that we are not aware of and encouraged to be available for God to use us to demonstrate his love and truth to other.

Getting Off Meth

Someone recently told a friend of mine a story of how God changed his life. He was addicted to meth. Several years into using it every day, he gave his life to Christ. But he continued to struggled with it for years. One night, while wrestling with God about it, he realized that had really just been playing around with the issue. He had never truly surrendered it to God. He believed with all his heart that God could free him. He said that in three minutes, with that simple choice of faith, he was free from something that some struggle with for months to be free from. What struck me deeply as I heard the story is that we all have issues of the flesh, lesser issues of addiction. Those things with which we struggle with for years and about which we pray for help from God. I have come to believe that those issues are not habits with which to wrestle with, they are habits to kill by surrender and faith. So I observed my own to identify where to begin. What weaknesses of my flesh do I flop around with, thinking I am fighting some kind of battle? When in fact, I am simply failing to surrender that area of my life to God in faith that he can empower me to live in obedience?