The Basis of Civilization

Here is a good article, "The Basis of Civilization" (thanks for the recommendation, Margaret). Here are a couple of excerpts:

"The family ideal as defended by Chesterton is something quite different than the industrialized consumer family, where the family members leave the house each morning by the clock and on a strict schedule to pursue work and recreation and the majority of life outside the home. Chesterton’s ideal was the productive home with its creative kitchen, its busy workshop, its fruitful garden, and its central role in entertainment, education, and livelihood. Unlike the industrial home, life in a productive household is not amenable to scheduling and anything but predictable."

"A college education is the most overpriced product on the planet, and over-rated as well. Parents have the privilege of sacrificing nearly everything to send their children to college, only to have them get their heads filled with doubts and destructive ideas, undermining everything their parents have taught them."

A Prayer for My Children

“May our sons in their youthbe like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace.” Psalm 144:12

May my sons be healthy, mature, productive young men. May my daughters be strong, beautiful young women, ready for honorable service.

What a contrast to our culture, which often produces immature, unprepared young men and women who are dependent consumers. I want to raise a different standard from my sons and daughters. I will do all I can to prepare them for a productive life of service.

Children are Worshipers

“All humans have a Godward orientation. . . . Children are worshipers. Either they worship Jehovah or idols.” “He is wither worshiping and serving and growing in understanding of the implications of who God is, or he is seeking to make sense of life without a relationship with God. . . . Part of the parent’s task is to shepherd him as a creature who worships, pointing him to the One who alone is worthy of his worship.”

“Since it is the Godward orientation of your child’s heart that determines his response to life, you may never conclude that his problems are simply a lack of maturity. Selfishness is not outgrown. Rebellion against authority is not outgrown. These things are not outgrown because they are not reflective of immaturity but rather of the idolatry of your child’s heart.”

- Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart, 19, 21-23.

This last paragraph was especially striking to me. I so often hear the hope of parents that their self-centered children will one day "grow out of it." A brief observations of adults would quickly dash this hope. The only real progress with adults is that they learn to put up a good front, being more shrewd and socially acceptable with their selfishness.

Getting to the Heart of Parenting

“The behavior a person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart” (3). See Prov 4:23; Mark 7:21; Luke 6:45. “Behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart. . . . A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable” (4). See Matt 15.

“You must help your child ask the questions that will expose that attitude of the heart that has resulted in wrong behavior. How did his heart stray to produe this behavior? In what characteristic ways has his inability or refusal to know, trust, and obey God resulted in actions and speech that are wrong. . . . Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their souls’ thirst with that which cannot satisfy” (5-6).

- Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Parenting Task

"Let me overview a biblical vision for the parenting task. The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being a kind authority, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God's world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God." Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart, xix.

Learning to Have a Love Agenda

God has recently been showing me deeper ways I can learn to love and encourage others. I want to be more patient, kind, encouraging, affectionate, and gentle—especially with my family. I have been asking the Lord for wisdom to understand why I am finding this so difficult. I think I have identified one important part of it. One problem is my agenda. When I have an agenda and people get in the way of it, I am frustrated. When I have an agenda, I simply do not see or have the energy to love people. And I am talking about a task oriented agenda. If my agenda were loving people, that would be produce a difference result altogether. For example, when the children do not do a job correctly, my agenda determines my response. If my agenda is the task itself, then I am frustrated and ungentle. But if my agenda is to relate to, love, build up, and train my children, then I will gently instruct and encourage them.

It seems that I am a fundamentally task oriented person. The physical and practical task, whatever it may be at the moment, must be secondary. People are always first. Love is always first. “Whatever you do, let it be done in love” (1 Cor 16:14).

When to Pursue Marriage

"So how do we know when to pursue someone for marriage?  When we do not need marriage. When we are full and growing in our relationship with Christ, then and only then, are we really ready for marriage. Adam did not tell God he was lonely. In Gen 2:18 God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a suitable helper.' Elizabeth Elliott was asked how she found three husbands. Her response was 'I did not find any husband because I was not looking for a husband.' God will determine our need and readiness and will lead us to marriage when the time is right." - R.D. Hodges, The Greatest Adventure I Never Dreamed Of (forthcoming)